November.....

I can't believe it's November already. When I think she has been gone for over a month it blows my mind. I keep thinking this isn't real and it will be over soon. Last night was Halloween and I went to my sisters house to see her kids get dressed up and help out a bit. Her in-laws were there who are very nice people. My sister was wearing one of my moms tops , the exact top I saw my mom in at my sister house for my nieces birthday it made me get misty eyed. The kids were so excited to get dressed up my nephew was a bat and he looked amazing, my oldest niece was a butterfly and it was chilly out so she had her pink warm jacket on with her costume and I had to hold it in seeing her smile all big wearing that jacket because my mom bought that for her and I remember my mom being so excited for Stacy to see the warm jackets she got the kids. They went trick or treating and we stayed behind with my youngest niece and she was playing with this large multi-toy play set my mom looked everywhere to find for them and Their great grandma from their dads side said "your mom and dad got this toy for the kids and it is just the best perfect toy, she plays with it all day" That was tough to hold in my tears.

Seeing my oldest niece smiling in that jacket and dragging around her candy bag so excited I couldn't help but think "My mom would love this" she would get such a kick out of seeing this. When we left Eric said "your mom was there I know it she was smiling and laughing with us" of course I broke down and cried a bit. I feel guilty for making new memories or things like that happening without her. I don't want to forget her or make memories without her in them. I know its unavoidable but I feel wrong doing it. I miss her so much. I want her back so bad....