I am not myself and I can't shake this feeling or even motivate myself there fore I am entirely uncomfortable. I had my dad over for Thanksgiving and it went pretty smooth......he always picks on me and pokes fun at me and my mom was the one who always told him not to so Thanksgiving was tough knowing my mom should be there and sticking up for me. Never the less I am glad its over but I am also glad Eric & my dad had a nice time and watched football together. All the food was good as well. Of course the minute he left I broke down crying my head off, not because of him but just because this sucks without my mom. I didn't want to break down in front of him and set him off as well.
Wedding date is getting closer.....I still have done nothing. It seems like every time I try I just get instant shut down by my own emotions. I want it to be over with but I also don't want to do it at all anymore. I miss my mom so much, I still cry everyday multiple times a day. Everything reminds me of her and I now think of things in contexts of it either happened "when my mom was still alive" or "my mom didn't get to see that" and if I see a date in Sept 2012 I think "oh that was 15 days before she died,..I wish I could have know then that I only had 2 weeks with her" or something stupid it seems like my mind is tormenting itself.
I am trying to be OK and it doesn't seem to be working so great. It is the worst feeling knowing this is never going to go away. Things are not going to go back to normal, she is not coming back.
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