Streams of sunlight between clouds

I have recently....OK longer then recently been faced with numerous storms. Storms that ride hard and test the structural integrity of your soul. I have always been my own captain , my own map and when things went bad I had to figure them out on my own. Of course I would always ask my moms advice but now I have to find it in my heart what I think her answer or advice would be.

I am so lucky to have an umbrella , bomb shelter, bullet proof vest.....husband. I was recently faced with a storm and I think Eric was more scared of facing then I was but it came after only me. My mom must have been with me when it hit because I stayed perfectly calm......My heart kept perfect beat, my breath was even, My face didn't get hot and red, I just simply walked away from it. Eric on the other hand faced it for me. He stood up to the storm and let it know that he wouldn't let it hurt me.

It is so interesting how the things hell bent on breaking two people apart are the exact things that build a stronger relationship. I am so lucky to have such an amazing person in my life, I have never had someone stand up for me like that before. Aside from my mom. I feel so happy and proud.

Less is more

So I haven't been posting as often as I was. I am trying to figure out what the healthiest things are for me from people, decisions, everything! I haven't had contact with my sister or my dad in a long time and I am actually feeling stronger and happier. My dad e-mailed me yesterday and invited me to "their" Thanksgiving and said "lets move forward , no past" my response was "you know me I know to resolve problems not pretend they didn't happen" which I get a response of "whats the problem" back. As much as I wanted to flip the fuck out on him , I didn't respond. If he chooses to live with no past then he is pretending that his choices were all correct and he has nothing to learn from experiences. You have to look at every experience as a learning experience. He has always played dumb and denied things have happened and yet has no regard for the scars he has left on other peoples lives. To which I will not entertain his delusion, it wasn't healthy before and it's not healthy now.

I am not afraid to speak up and tell people how I feel or tell them if they are hurting me or someone I love. People react either understanding or deny deny deny and get defensive because hearing that they did or are doing something wrong isn't comfortable for them, its all pride & ego. If you set that aside and put yourself in the persons shoes and think "OK, I understand how you would / could feel that way" you choose to make life a learning process. My mom always told me how strong she thought I was because I would speak up for myself. She said she wished she had that strength, it would make her life a lot easier. I don't speak up to hurt people I speak up to get the pain in my stomach out.