...

it hasn't gotten easier. I feel like there is no point to life...and nothing matters anymore. Inside I want to be happy that "sounds nice" but also seems impossible. I have also begun to HATE people. They don't understand what I am going through and probably don't even care. Some of my "best friend" I couldn't care if they ever talk to me again because they are selfish fucking assholes. Maybe when they have to face this they will think "oh shit I should have been nicer or more understanding to Wendy when she was going through this". Even family members haven't checked up to see how we are doing....

I am trying to plan things for my family to get together and stay strong and be there for each other but it is hard for me even to enjoy it or crack a smile, I just feel like it's a chore sometimes. When it's over I go straight to bed and sleep. I am always exhausted. I hate this and I can't control it.