Reflection

I have been spending a lot of time lately reflecting on my life and relationships I have. Eric and I have been having long discussion about how to react and interact with people. He says I need to stop putting in emotion and effort into people who wont even meet me half way or offer help in times of need. Sadly there are not very many people who are like that, but since my mom went away I have seen people who I haven't spoken to or see in years really step up and be supportive and I have seen people who I would except to be there really be selfish and fail completely. I am making a concision effort to weed out the toxic people in life, and to be honest it feels good, it feels freeing. I am also making more effort to spend time with the people who have shown me they really care, which I think is healthy.

Yesterday Eric's mom called to invite us to Easter brunch and I missed the call but while checking my voice mail I had to re-save a message in my inbox and it was my mom....of course I cried my head off and it really set me off for about 4 hours. I was just crying, not sobbing but constantly having tears run down my face, its like an internal pain that I know I can't fix so I let my body react to the pain by crying and just try to keep going.

I have been trying to do some crafts lately and I think its helping me heal, I feel proud of them and accomplished.I do wish I could show my mom when they are done but it feels good that Eric gets involved with me too. He gets excited and motivates me to continue or helps me out. I have also been trying to meditate lately, a friend of mine sent me a book about meditating and I have been taking time daily to partake in that activity. It feels good, gives me a moment of evaluation, peace and positive energy. I feel like I am taking steps to be healthier and change my life in a good way, Its a whole new monster to try to stop the sadness and tears but maybe these new things will help slowly make it less painful.