Today is one of those days where EVERYTHING is setting me off. I miss my mom. I am so tired of everyone being assholes about everything. My dad met a "friend" at grief counseling...really......this bitch has had two husbands and a son die on her.....cough cough black widow cough cough. Not to mention meeting someone at grief counseling is like meeting someone at AA and going drinking together. Anyways He keeps trying to shove her existence down my throat and plan dinners calling them "family dinners" that bitch is not my family and no way in hell. He doesn't get I am so not even close to ready and neither is he. You don't see me going to and finding a new mom....It hurts that he doesn't consider how I feel and just that he wants to pretend he has this new family.
My sister is pregnant with her 4th child and I am excited for her but at the same time her husband has brain washed her into thinking anyone but his family is evil so I can't babysit the kids or anything unless she is there. She lets his side of the family babysit and go on trips and I don't even get a fucking thank you from buying them gifts or sending them valentines cards. She walks in my dads the other day and hands me a target plastic bag wrapped around a glass dish and says "Here is your wedding present" all snotty like I did something wrong. Why can't she want me to be happy? Why can't she be a sister to me? I want what is best for her, cater to her weird diet and schedules, her "what is appropriate" list and I get treated like an after thought, an inconvenience. You think for her sister in laws wedding gift she wrapped it in a target bag? I bet she even got her something on her registry! I asked her a million times to have a beach day with the kids and she kept saying no and then her sister in law posts pics of the kids saying "beach day" and its them on the beach.....really? I may sound like I am being a brat but for all the effort I put into thoughtful shit for everyone I sure am getting fucked up the ass.
I am DONE, done being around people who don't want the best for me, who don't consider my feelings. My mom is so thoughtful, she remembered everything, she never forgot about anything. She knew what you needed or wanted before you had to even say. I am stuck with selfish jerks. I miss her, I am like her in the sense I always try to go out of my way for people and be thoughtful and make them smile. For what? To regret it later? I feel more alone. I just want my mom back, I know my mom knew I loved her. and I know she loves me.
Uggh this venting just makes me more mad and wanna cry! I have too many emotions going on right now. Sometimes I just wish I was with her.
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