I feel like I am in that annoying movie Groundhogs Days. Its another time frame to suffer through, another sunrise and set of ups, downs and pain. I get spurts of motivations thinking "OK I am going to get through this" that's about 8% of the time, the other 92% is "Fuck, this sucks, why can't I die too?" I keep trying to change my surroundings from cleaning to moving shit around, to buying weird new clothes I would never normally buy, just trying to give myself a new perspective on my life. I keep telling Eric I want to get the fuck out of the house and go away for a while and he doesn't get it.....7 months later we still haven't gone anywhere and I'm to the point of breaking things because I can't take it anymore.
Have you ever been in a pool or hot tub and floated face down and just relaxed? Its a very calming feeling it feels so good you could drown but then of course the since of urgency creeps in telling you to turn over and take a breath, I feel like I could drown any second. I have no motivation to take a breath.
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