SO yea yesterday was TOUGH I cried a lot, spent a good portion of time just talking to my mom and telling her how sorry and guilty I feel for not being there. UGHH! Then! I proceed to make home made body wash from a Pinterest recipe I found online and I have a large Pyrex measuring cup my mom gave my for Christmas a few years ago. When I was done I washed it by hand and put it on the counter to dry somewhat leaning so all the water would drip out. A few hours later I hear the BIGGEST crash.....yep it fell off the counter onto the tile floor and SHATTERED. My whole body even my fingers got very stiff and tight and I just stood there. I immediately called Eric and told him what happened and was SOBBING I felt like I let her down again, like I lost a piece of her with this measuring cup. I am crying just freaking typing about it. Eric told me just to sweep it all in a pile and he will clean it up when he got home, of course I am too OCD for that so I swept it all into a pile and proceeded to pick up all the pieces and put them into a box to keep. I then vacuumed the bits of shards and mopped the floor after that. That was really tough, I know the stupid measuring cup isn't her I just feel so guilty.
Then today I changed my profile picture on FB, I have had a picture of my mom and I for over 7 months and I know I need to make progress, of course I feel horribly guilty for putting a new picture up of just me. I didn't take the old one off my profile only made a new one my "main" picture. I don't want my mom to think I am forgetting about her or not care about her. I know I had to change the pic eventually and it doesn't mean I love her , respect her or miss her ANY less. But yet I still feel guilty. Why is every step a mountain? and why is it even when I make them or progress I still feel like I am sitting at the bottom looking up?
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