Not stable, some days I feel good. Some days I feel lost. I want to find the silver lining, the motivation behind all of this but I haven't yet or I don't have the strength to hold on to it yet. I know I need to stop putting hopes into people. People make promises to be there and they are selfish. It is easy to be selfish and I can't wait until these people know this pain. You'll come apologize to me for the crappy bullshit they have added to my pain.
Eric made my birthday very nice, reservations as one of our favorite restaurants, got me flowers, a HUGE 3 layer red velvet cake, card and bought me sunglasses. He is awesome, I would 100% be dead if I didn't have him through this.
I have learned I need to do for others because I want to and not to expect them to even thank me back, but give for myself. People are sad, egotistical and inconsiderate and it may kill me but I am not going to become that, I am giving and thoughtful and considerate ...qualities I got from my mom and I am not going to let selfish people stop me from letting my mom shine through me.
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