Couple nights ago I had a dream I was freaking out running around, panicking, looking for a little brown cat. I saw my mom and I started to yell at her "where is the cat?" "What happened to it?" She was her normal calm gentle self and looked me right in the eyes and said "You are the love of my heart" I just stared at her for a bit thinking, even though I was yelling at her she still loves me. I woke up hysterically crying all i wanted to do was call my mom. her eyes were really her eyes....they were so real. It felt so real.
When I was younger I would have dreams that she died and I would wake up screaming crying and either yell "MOM!" or run into her room and wake up frantically and tell her I had a dream she died and she would say "It's OK, I am not going to die, I am right here" and put me back to beg. I would make her promise not to die before she left my room. I wanted so badly to call her and tell her about my dream and her to say everything is OK and she is fine.
Eric said "Your mom was sending you a message telling you she loves you so matter what" and not to be sad but be happy she visited you. I am not mad she came or upset I am sad because I want it to be real so bad.
Everything I can relate to her, everything in my life reminds me of something to do with her. I miss her so much it physically hurts. This pain is never ending. I am a fixer and I can't fix something that is torturing me....makes me so mad. I am overwhelmed.
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