I am still crying multiple times everyday. Saying I miss her is a gross understatement. Today waking up I hear on the news of a shooting at an elementary school they say 27 dead and mostly children, They showed a picture of a mom on her cell phone and the look on her face I am all too familiar with. The actual moment and feeling of your heart breaking. Made me burst into tears seeing that, My heart goes out to those families.
It made think of the way my mom used to brush the hair out of Heidi's eyes and straighten her clothes. She is the best Grandma and mom and I know she is in heaven comforting those innocent little children. She loved kids and I know they are being taken care of.
I have been trying to keep busy and do more everyday. It helps me not dwell on how much this hurts but little things will break me down. I am trying to focus on the fact that I know she is relaxed and relieved. She didn't deserve the stress she had here on earth and as much as I selfishly still want her here she deserves to be happy even if it means it's without me.
I am trying to make changes. I am cutting people out of my life who have no reason to be here. You are either genuine and kind and want the best for me and I want the best for you or you're out. I want to love my friends and I want to feel loved by them. I feel very lonely and I am going to get rid of the empty company around me.
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