Today they said the world was going to end....it didn't but it is also a reminder of my world ending. 3 months she has been gone today. I woke up crying, had trouble sleeping last night and when I opened the curtains down stairs there was this HUGE white bird on our little lake / pond. I have never seen a bird that big here much less up close. I know it was my mom letting me know in the biggest way that she is here watching me. I just can't tell what she wants me to do.
I have been having the worst few days, my eyes are swollen and my face is a mess and I haven't gotten out of my pajamas in days. I am, on every level, overwhelmed. I miss her and I feel like I need to do what she would want but then I counter that with....she would just want me to be happy. I am not sure what would even make me happy right now because I am so emotional. I keep thinking if I don't do what she would want she will be upset with me. When I think no matter what I do she isn't coming back its a harsh reality that no matter what I choose I have to know she would support me because I will never know any different.
My skin looks horrible, my hair is falling out, even my eye lashes are falling out. Eric says its from the stress and crying everyday for 3 months I'm sure adds to the stress. I am trying.... I just want me mom back.
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