SO the day came and it sucked as bad as I thought it would. I woke up early trying to start a positive spin on it all, got a quick work out in and Eric & I headed to a coastal clean up event , one of my moms favorite places was the beach so we did it for her. Lots of trash and then Eric got called into work.....promised it would only take 3 hours......6 hours later.......I was pissed! I spent the first 3 hours trying to stay busy by laundry and cooking and cleaning. The last three hours laying in bed crying and on and off napping. Eric came home took me to dinner and tried to call me down.
I miss my mom, talked to her a lot and I feel bad she sees me crying so much. I feel like if I had gone to see her the day before I could have saved her. I also of course thought about my shitty family and how upset I am with them. And the realization that they really don't care that they hurt me because they don't even try to say shit to me.
I am not sure when this pain will get better but I am trying to make a positive out of her memory.
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