So I haven't been posting as often as I was. I am trying to figure out what the healthiest things are for me from people, decisions, everything! I haven't had contact with my sister or my dad in a long time and I am actually feeling stronger and happier. My dad e-mailed me yesterday and invited me to "their" Thanksgiving and said "lets move forward , no past" my response was "you know me I know to resolve problems not pretend they didn't happen" which I get a response of "whats the problem" back. As much as I wanted to flip the fuck out on him , I didn't respond. If he chooses to live with no past then he is pretending that his choices were all correct and he has nothing to learn from experiences. You have to look at every experience as a learning experience. He has always played dumb and denied things have happened and yet has no regard for the scars he has left on other peoples lives. To which I will not entertain his delusion, it wasn't healthy before and it's not healthy now.
I am not afraid to speak up and tell people how I feel or tell them if they are hurting me or someone I love. People react either understanding or deny deny deny and get defensive because hearing that they did or are doing something wrong isn't comfortable for them, its all pride & ego. If you set that aside and put yourself in the persons shoes and think "OK, I understand how you would / could feel that way" you choose to make life a learning process. My mom always told me how strong she thought I was because I would speak up for myself. She said she wished she had that strength, it would make her life a lot easier. I don't speak up to hurt people I speak up to get the pain in my stomach out.
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